So lately a lot of my posts have been recitals of what I've been up to. Maybe logically that's what someone who reads this blog would be interested in; cycling specific insight. Thing is, I don't reckon there's that many people who want to know whether I felt cramped on the plane or whether I liked my dinner on Wednesday. My mother maybe, but that's a special case.
There's also not that many people who care what I think about the book I'm reading at the moment, or my favourite album currently, or the kind of youtube videos I'm watching over and over.
If nobody cares, it doesn't matter if I don't write it.
Although... It also doesn't matter if I do....
Phew! I think this means I can speak into the void, worry free! I can sit at a silent dinner table and talk and talk and if you want to listen you can and if you want to eat your mash potato you can. If you want to read my ramblings, come along. If not, meh, they're going to be here none the less.
So, White Teeth. It's a book I've just started reading (by Zadie Smith). An early peace of dialogue that got me thinking was this:
"On cold days a man can see his breath, on a hot day he can't. On both occasions, the man breathes."
It was in a speech about death and the meaning our actions have on the world whether intentional or not, whether apparent or not. At the time, through different mediums, I was being made to think about religion and the belief that God has a plan for us; that things happen for a reason. So if I'm honest, it felt like the universe was trying to tell me something...
I don't believe a God(s) exists. I don't believe I have a specific purpose on earth. A lot of the time I don't believe I'm making a difference to the world. And although I suggested it myself, I also don't believe there's an external force that's drawn me to these readings and conversations.
What I do believe, is that it's important to get things right. Or to at least try, because what's impossible is knowing what's right and what's important and what's good and what's fair. I think that's why I'm interested in religion*, you're quite often given an explicit moral code. There's lots of what I read that I dislike (the majority actually) and no matter what happens I can't imagine I'll ever believe there's a God or a plan. What I find really cool though, is the concept of a group of people all trying to be as good as possible, whether they achieve it or not.
I'm fairly horrible. I'm sarcastic**, I never call my mother, small talk makes me very sleepy and if I want to keep thinking I'm right I'll just choose not to see the situation from another persons perspective. But I would love to be good! I know a few good people, and they're like mystical beings. I'm not sure what they're reward will be and I think that's part of the being good thing- they don't want a reward.
So I suppose that's what I'm looking for when I read or watch or listen: the secret to being good, the code. I'm not sure what I'll do when I find it. Maybe I'll call my mum.
Although now I'm running late for training, so maybe I'll focus on good later. Let's go be bad on the rollers. Bye for now!
*mainly Christianity in various forms if I'm honest, I guess that shows I'm influenced by what's mainstream and acceptable. Minus authenticity points for me.
**I don't know why this is in the list- sarcasm is the best.***
***I'm not being sarcastic here.