Today I woke up at 10am, had some porridge for breakfast and sat for a while wondering how long I would need to stop shaving my legs before hair growth would plateau. Then I got into my shorts and set up the turbo.
By 11am I was starting a turbo session we do regularly. The first 15 minutes are pretty easy so I either rap/sing along to whatever I've got in my headphones or I think of all the things I have to do that I haven't done, can't do now and will forget to do once I get off. Today I was the third member of Outkast and who knows what's on my to do list.
I finished the session 40 minutes later, very sweaty. So I went up to my bedroom, put a towel on the floor, opened the window and patiently waited naked on the ground until my body cooled down. Then I looked out the window and saw it wasn't raining.
I got my kit on, ate some greek yoghurt straight from the tub and met El in the kitchen to go out on a ride. It was midday.
We got honked at by a couple cars seemingly dismayed by our transport choices, though only one tried to knock us off the road entirely. It caused me a brief surge of hatred for everything in the world, but that passed. El and I chatted about important Olympic prep, like this cool swimsuit I want to buy that says "Beach Please" on the front.
Then at 2pm we stopped for lunch. I sat down and looked at the menu so as to match El, though I knew I would be ordering the protein pancakes because my life is held up by two strong moral pillars. They are: 1. Always try to be the good guy. and 2. Whenever possible, order the pancakes.
They had run out of protein pancakes but I didn't panic because I knew the good guy would settle for the protein waffles. They had run out of those as well and I felt ill with disappointment. Though not too ill for a milkshake.
We sat in the cafe for a while wondering if a nucleur bomb hit Manchester whether we'd feel it in Wilmslow. Then by 3pm we were back on our bikes.
Once I got home I ran a bath and sat in there replying to emails until the water was cold. Then I lay there a bit longer hoping that if I fell asleep I would wake up before I fully drowned.
Eventually I got out the bath, lungs still filled with air, and took up the same position on my bed instead. Only this time instead of emails I started writing my column for the Sunday Herald sports section whilst eating a protein flapjack (you may have noticed a general trend to eat anything with the word protein in front of it).
It was when I finished my column that I noticed it was seven thirty at night and I had successfully done nothing but ride a bike, eat and sit on my arse all day. I felt a warm sense of pride and went to take a break from writing to write this blog post.
Soon I'm going to have to stand up and make dinner, but after that I'm likely to return to the good life and spend the evening watching a film. I'll probably have a glass of protein milk with it as well.